Life is a Strike Chance

Time is key ladies, when you love someone and they’ve broken you heart; you must know when it is time to let go. As hard as this may sound, strength, courage and knowledge are gathered from a broken heart. No one promised that love did not will last forever, nor that it wouldn’t, it’s just a chance. Life is a chance. Love yourself and hope all is well, not only for you, but for that person as well. Never let bad feelings or experience change the person you are. No one wants to see a wounded person, so understand that you need time to heal internally. There is no set time on when this will happen, but just let it take its course. 

When the time is right, and you feel like you are ready to love again, don’t look for it, let it find you. It’s not about getting over a person; it’s about feeling good about you. It’s about knowing that you are the most important and you need to be happy. When you accept yourself as you are and you love yourself for who you are then you will find that back. Never settle for anything less then what you desire and deserve. Love is all about timing, make yourself the best person you can be both mentally and physically. Once you heal, you will no longer waste your time on men who do not see you for who you are. You will see yourself as beautiful women that have so much to offer the right man. 

For thinking things like this, I…myself is still hoping that beyond the risk and circumstances that we’ve been trying to fix as of now, I hope we could always give it a try to forgive each and every tip of it.

A picture of ME......... ^^

Funny how things goes

A reflection of me is hard to put in plain words, people sees how I give a posts with a funny and wacky pictures… sharing good things and trip that I and my close friends were doing… ALSO, smiling and laughing out loud when I was a giving a talk with my friends. 

So, maybe….having this notes just before I graduate in college is one of the very best things that I appreciate more… “Writing things about me, my interest”, are things that I am now getting used to it. 

It’s as if one day you could be on the top of world and the next day you feel as if your world has just collapsed. I guess you can say being in love with someone is taking a risk. You’re risking everything you are, everything you would do for that person you love even without knowing when it may ends.

For that, ..? a thought of me says that, when you're given a chance to feel " loving someone" assure to how him/her the happiness he/she might have in your arms. Because you'll never know that tomorrow will be the last or if you’re lucky enough, -like some- saying it won’t ever end until the day you two of you die. I guess a lot of people don’t understand what they have in front of them or even see the spark of love in their relationship until they’re gone. But one thing is for sure, love is a journey, it can be the best times of your life but it also can be the worst. Most people say they regret love but the truth is it’s a experience we learn in life. It’s one of the most magical experiences yet, you just gotta make sure it doesn’t end. 

I didn’t even know what to say, this last few days…. All I was thinking is everything about us…. A love at first might be good… but sometimes you just didn’t know how to react when hurt strikes.

SOMETHING'S MISSING....MY SHIRT:)

Spanish Class

Since this is the first time that I am going to write a journal in a Spanish version, I decided to write the translated poem that I wrote. So here it is:

Forlorn beyond my fears

(Forlorn di là delle mie paure)

When I have fears that I may ceased to be

(Cuando tengo miedos que puedo dejó de ser)

I stand myself on esteem

(Me pongo en la estima)

How does it distress me?

(¿Cómo me apena esto?)

How do I disregard

(Como hacen desatiendo)

Before my pen has gleaned my teaming brain

(Antes de que mi pluma haya espigado mi cerebro que combina)

I can’t keep to masquerade

(No puedo conservarme a la mascarada)

My inner sensate chuckle

(Mi sonrisita de sensate interior)

Jocularities that can’t be elucidate;

(La jocosidad que no puede ser elucida;)

When I behold upon the night’s deviant face

(Cuando contemplo sobre la cara anormal de la noche)

It’s so strange because it connotes me

(Es tan extraño porque esto me implica)

Fear of phantasm plead me away

(El miedo del fantasma me aboga lejos)

Seems the huge of tense hence behold me

(Parece que el enorme del tiempo de ahí me contempla)

And when I feel some creatures stood upon me

(Y cuando siento que algunas criaturas estuvieron de pie sobre mí)

I attempt not to look upon the moon

(Intento no considerar la luna)

Never have release fiery power

(Nunca tienen la liberación poder encendido)

Deem that it isn’t true, don’t exist unreal

(Juzgue esto no es verdadero, no exista irreal)

And on the quiescence as I am seated alone

(Y en la quietud cuando soy asentado solo)

I’m knocking myself from the eidolon

(Me golpeo del eidolon)

I stride my valor to take it up

(Cruzo mi valor de un tranco para tomarlo)

Before the time it may sinks me

(Antes de que el tiempo esto puede me hunda)

Then I think, conceivably, I may never live the trace

(Entonces pienso, posiblemente, nunca puedo vivir el rastro)

Then halfway point of my dauntless

(Entonces a mitad de camino punto de mi intrépido)

Just close my eyes so that in a wink

(Sólo cierre mis ojos de modo que en guiñar)

It will evanesce, together with the wind

(Esto va a evanesce, juntos con el viento)

Sweetest Cake EverrrRRrrrrrrrrrrr :)

here is a gift given by a friend......i was so happy....and overwhelmed.....

tummy happy shotzz......

loving how the cake would taste

yuummymyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

the lovingly cakE,,,,,,yummmmm

as i opened the box

wow.....a CAKE!!!

happy laughy time.......nice.....!!!

a spark seeing the cake!

..another bloomy sparky cake shot

i was so touch!!!!!

stop.let go.take action

"Love is like a traffic light, there are three colors which becomes a guide for us to know when to stop, to let go and to take action."

STOP .

"Loving someone so much doesn't always mean they're the right one for us."

Hindi laging may happy ending kapag nagmamahal ka because true love never ends.

May pagkakataong mararamdaman mo ang sakit na dulot ng pagmamahal mo.

Masakit isiping may mga taong hindi kayang magpahalaga sa mga taong nagmamahal sa kanila.

Sabi nga ..

"It's better to accept the fact that you are not appreciated than to insist yourself to someone who never really see your worth."

Habang patuloy mong minamahal ang taong yun mas lalo kang nasasaktan dahil natatakot kang tanggapin ang maaari pang mangyari.

Na ang taong buong pusong mong minamahal ay bulag sa pagmamahal mo.

Hindi porket mahal mo ang taong yun sya na talaga ang para sayo.

Natatakot kang mawala ang taong pinakamamahal mo, pero sya ba takot ding mawala ka?

LETTING GO.

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."

May mga bagay sa mundong hindi nakatakda para sa atin.

Maaring ang mga bagay na ninanais natin na maging sa atin sana ay iyon pang hindi kailanman magiging atin.

Kailangan mong matutong magparaya "let go" upang maka move on at maka get over tayo sa sakit ng nakaraan.

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.

Masakit?

OO. para sa katulad mong nagmamahal.

Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.

to let go it's not to deny but to accept.

The hardest thing to do is letting go not because you want to but because you have to.

May mga taong darating sa buhay natin na syang muling magbabangon sa atin sa kabila ng pait ng nakalipas.

Huwag nating isarado ang puso natin dahil sa tayo'y nagparaya,

nagmahal o nasaktan. :((

kundi may taong handang pumasok muli.

TAKE ACTION.

"While someone breaks your heart, another someone is waiting to fix it."

Proceed with caution.

"Careful forethought to avoid danger or harm."

Natatakot tayong masaktan.

Natatakot tayong harapin ang pwedeng mangyari.

Natatakot tayong magmahal muli.

Kaya nga nauso ang salitang "courage". Yan ang kailangan natin to "take action".

Kung ang traffic light ay may yellow light para sa caution sign, sa love ganun din kung alam nating masasaktan lang tayo at di maaring pumapel,

huwag na natin pahirapan pa ng husto ang sarili natin.

Kung sa elevator, kung alam na nating siksikan na, huwag na tayong magsumiksik pa.

May hagdan naman ayaw lang natin pansinin.

Why do we go to School...........??????

Since I began walking and talking, my parents always reminded me that I must study hard and go to school so someday I could be the person I wanna be.

So for obvious reasons, we go to school so we can have a better sight of our future, to have a better life, etc.

But putting that aside, it’s still fuzzy because no one really knows what the future holds. You might get two or three degrees but that won’t ensure your bright tomorrow.



I go to school because I want to learn, I want to be mentally prepared. I really don’t care about wealth and power. My dreams are just there to keep me focused. They serve as my goal. But then again, it’s not permanent. It’s not forever.
Next thing is we go to school because it’s considered a must. When you’re educated, you’ll have better chances for higher job positions or manage your own business venture. So basically, the reason for going to school only becomes clear when we think of money and education.

THINK......THINK.......THINK.....

isang malaking pagkakamaLi....

Di naman talaga malaking deal na makasira ka ng isang gamit. Pero yung makasira ka ng gamit na hiniram mo lang, at iniingatan ng kapatid, ay isang malaking MALI…. Maybe? Sobrang galit sha sa akin ngayon, kasi sa totoo lang sa ganitong sitwasyon di magandang sayangin mo yung tiwala na binibigay sayo ng taong nagtiwala talaga sayo, kahit sa simpleng gamit man ito o hindi.

Nangyari ang lahat sa panghihiram ko ng cellphone. Bakit ako nanghiram?, kasi sira ang cellphone ko, naisip ko lang naman na habang malayo ako, at malayo sa bahay kapag nagtext sila sakin malalaman nila kung anong mangyayari sa akin. Alam ko naman na di sila gaanong nag-iisip pag aalis ako, di tulad ng mga kapatid ko, kapag sila ang umaalis lagging nagtetext sina nanay at tatay kung kamusta na ang byahe, nasaan na at anong oras ng mga sinasakyan na trip.

Kapag kasi ako, halimbawa umalis ng bahay, ako na lang ang nagtetext na andun na ako sa lugar na yun at hindi na sila magtatanong. Hindi ko naman hinihiling na maging magkapareho ang treatment sa amin magkakapatid, sa aking palagay ang pagsasabi ng mga bagay na aking nakikita ay hindi naman masama, hindi ito nangangahulugan ng negatibong palagay maliban na lang sa mga taong alam ang punto ng aking sinasabi sa mas simpleng paliwanag.

Yun ang pinagsimulan ko ng reason kung bakit humiram ako ng Cellphone, yung ginagamit ko kasi, lagging namamatay at nalo’lowbat. Paano kung emergency, tapos nasa malayo ako paano nila malalaman na mayo ang aking kalagayan. Kahit papaano, inaalala ko rin kung ano ang safe na paraan.

Sakaling yung sira ang gagamitin ko, baka yung tipong gusto ko ng sumigaw ng tulong di ko pa magawa kasi wala akong matawagan.

Sa aking nakikita, maikli lang ang buhay para hindi magkaroon ng dahilan na ingatan mo ito.

Tanong……….. Bakit ba ako luluwas mula Mindoro patungong Batangas?

Kasal ng isa sa pinaka’mabuti at mlapit kong kaibigan. Kahit sino ay hindi makakatanggi kapag inimbitahan ka ng malapit sayong puso sa pinakamahalagang araw ng kanyang buhay. At iyon ang aking pakay, dahil isa na din ako sa kinuh nyang abay… hindi ito simpleng abay lamang, it only means na nais ka nyang makasama ka sa isang event that she will cherish always and forever. Kasal kaya yun, kahit naman ako magtatampo kung sa araw nay un tatanggihan pa ako ng mga kaibigan ko.

Ang cellphone ng kuya ay sa Japan pa nya nabili, original ang pyesa, kahit palitan at ipa’repair ko pa, di na yun magiging tulad ng nauna. Isang mahalagan value dahil yun ang kauna-unahang souvenir nya sa unang taon ng kanyang pagta-trabaho overseas as a Seaman. Sa countries ng Japan, Russia at Korea.

Kahit naman ako, aminado na magagalit pag nalaman ko na ibang tao lang ang sumira ng gamit na binibigyan ko ng value di ba.

Hay sobrang lungkot ko, siguro kasi, alam mong di mo naman talaga gusto ang nangyari pero heto, nagiging mapaglaro talaga ang panahon sayo.

Nais ko mag’sorry sa isang aksidente na kahit hindi ako ang may kasalanan (hindi talaga ako ang nakahulog ng cellphone sa dagat… isang accident ang pagkakasanggi sa akin….), pero kahit ganun, ako pa din ang pinaka’MAJOR”major’ as Venus Raj tagline says…. na responsible for the damage. Dahil ako ang humiram ng gamit.

Syempre natural na makakarinig ako ng masasakit na salita. Tulad ng di na nya ako papahiramin ng kahit na anong gamit, kasi nagpapabaya ako… if ganun na nga, sige ok lang.

Just a thought? Mas mahalaga ba ang gamit sa akin? Di namana talaga sira yung cp eiii… pwede pa sha maayus dahil napalinisan ko na yun kaya lang pag aayusin ng buo kinabukasan pa ang aking uwi.

Itutuloy ko yung thought ko….. what if mangyari yung napapanaginipan ko na maiipit ako sa isang aksidente tapos nagkataon na di ako nakatawag kasi sira ang cp ko, at dahil wala akong cp?....ewan ko ba…

Mahalaga pa din ba ang gamit kesa sa buhay? Yung paraan na gusto mong ipaalam sa kanila na nasa maayos ka, since aayaw din naman ako ibili ng bagong cp ng parents ko.

Ang gulo naman talaga…. Parang ayoko na mag cellphone kung ito lang yung dahilan na magagalit ang kuya ko. Sakaling mapapahamak ako, at hindi ako nakahingi ng tulong, ok lang yun sa akin, unlike this na nakakarinig ako ng mga bagay na akala ko di nya masasabi sa akin,…. Di naman ako galit or naghihinanakit, mas gusto ko lang tahimik ang lahat.

The Wedding!!!.....

Congrat'z jec!!!!......

OCTOBER 16, 2011 "May your joining together bring you more joy than you can imagine...I am wishing you the best of things in your marriage. I am confident that you two will be a blessing to each other and those who you meet along your journey..." 

My Friend's Wedding - First Day Bond

Arlane and Jec (Bride to be).........quitely talking....does it looks quitely??.....hehehe 

A picture taken by Arlane....IT"Z mehhhhh!!!!......chubby chubzzzz

what i Love about thiz picture is it'z view.........

After a little hours this Lady beside me will walk into the isle

Arlane and jec......

HOW A CHILD INSPIRES ME - My 30 Minutes Ride (Sept 27,2011)

A dramatic experience:

I was having my ride to attend a one hour class, just before I went to school I feel lazy due to cold of the rain, I haven’t ate my breakfast and my lunch for I was feeling so numb these last few days, a typical silence of persona makes me weak.

As I was waiting to get to school on my jeepney ride, I saw a little boy with his mother and a wheel chair besides them; he can’t walk, can’t talk and was very dependable to her mom. I was so conscious as if my heart was melting seeing that boy with such kind of condition. Then a plastic was place on his mouth and swallowing all the food he have eaten. I looked at him taking a sigh not to offend him by looking a pity eyes on him (his situation reflects on me really).

Looking at him from head down to feet mesmerized me-- how come this boy have the courage to face life in spite of all the challenge brought by his illness. This cold rainy day was not good for him; still they decide to get out for his condition was peril already. When we get near to the hospital where he will be confined, the people who are in the same ride helped them to get down, everyone was giving them a hand, even myself can’t get rid not to help them. The boy was very brave, as he was passing in front of me; I think he already knew that I was looking at him so I was in a shame sit for I don’t want him to feel the opposite means to give the impression of being ‘nakakaawa’, what I want him to see is for him to fight and continue to live, for at young age he deserves a long and happy life. But then he doesn’t give me a cheerless impression to his face, what he leaves in me was a great smile.

After a 30 minutes ride, everything in me turns into compassion. 

• I can eat anytime, but I ignored my food unlike this little boy who can’t full his stomach for he only swallowed it and still trying to eat the food prepared by his mother.

• I can go to school anytime but due to the cold rain I feel lazy at some times, but this boy enlighten me to continue the ride no matter how far it is, on his condition no matter how hard the rain is, in order for him to survived and checks his condition he never gave up just to reach the hospital.

• I can speak and laugh, enjoy my companions, but I used to break the noise for I want to be in silence sometimes, but this child can’t speak and can’t laugh out loud for he is a deaf still he tried to break a person’s silence by giving a point of a smile on his face.

            You’ll never know how a child will inspired you; how God used this child as an instrument in me not to forget that I have all the blessings. I have a healthy life, loving family, great friends and could afford the things that I wanted by showing a wide hand on my parent’s pocket.

           I’m just feeling so lucky and so blessed. With this once in a lifetime experience, I want to share something for those who have read this incident of mine

            "You are seeking the meaning of your life, and instead of allowing it to come to you, you are scrambling about looking here and there for what is right before you. Be still. God will bring you all you need or want if you Let It Happen."

Being thankful, Getting Ready

            I can only hope for the best coming finals. I won’t ask for no fuzz and no worry finals but instead I'll ask for a worthwhile journey. Freshmen year was over and fooling around isn't my thing anymore. It's not that I'll go crazy being serious about stuffs but determination is my thing. I would like to thank the professors that I have met when I transferred here, my professors, for introducing it to my senses that the best things in life is achieved thru hard-work, perseverance and practice. I may not be that vocal to them about stuffs but this is the least thing I can do to show my gratitude. I dunno why I'm thanking people here but I’ll continue. I would also like to mention my friends that I have newly met here. Why? because their determination is viral. It's so nice to know some people who are so passionate about their career. 

            Thanks to my family for being always there for me, simply because we live at the same house ha-ha-ha J-O-K-E. I'm persevering and holding tight to my dreams because of them. And I guess it's substantial for me to include them here. And last but definitely not the least GOD. From birth up to now and 'til the end of time I know He is with me. I was able to battle it out through the toughest of toughest of days because of him and everything I do is for his Holy Name.

       This is a great Sunday! To be with God just before the class for the finals starts.

Learning clash

       Aren’t he bothered about his future, about what might happened f he’ll continue to ignore the importance of education. I am not saying this to down him, rather to make judgments instead I am saying this knowing that missing such opportunity to finish the studies seems losing the half part of your life, for we as person continues in learning.

        I don’t want to mention a name here, but honestly though I am not saying a word vocally even those who have known him before I, know who this person is. I'm terribly bothered seeing that person around. Seeing him sometimes dropping his classes, I can't help but be furious about how can he even manage to pay no heed to his subjects?

        I know I'm so harsh describing that person but lemme continue 'cause this is the only way I can express my disappointments not only from his parents but also for those who is expecting much for him, Don’t you think so?

      Behind all these I am still grateful that after all the downs I can still get through. What I am wishing for is him to see the picture of life with a good education.

         I asked God to guide me all throughout this semester and for the comings the same way that He has guided me before. And whenever I pray to Him I always tell Him that I won't ask Him anything but guidance because I know He already knows what I need. I'm going through something right now and I know God is guiding me. I'm asking a lot of people what to do but in reality God has already given me the answers. It's just for the fact that I'm afraid and reluctant to do it. 

The Intramurals Break Job

          Thanks to my good classmate Ychar, for sharing her nice smile and for each days of overwhelming welcome of my dear classmates, including Rhena, Yvette, Lyra, King all of them, the IT 4, I maybe new here yet it isn’t that hard to be with them. It’s really is a big break for me, too shallow to say but I really enjoyed from the mass, until the parade and as the first day of the Intramurals ends.

            The Cheer dance was enjoying and the traditional games followed was fun. I haven’t expected that some of those games were still new to my eyes. Even the teachers were so flexible in joining the events. I guess having some headship between the students and the teachers takes a good bond, like getting the pleasure of societal attachment.

       I was also able to bring home valuable knowledge that I have gathered this day and here are some of them. 

1.      Being at school may be the toughest thing right now, but having some fun once in a while will refresh your mind; 
2.    We must all study hard, challenge our limitations and be the best of who we can be while still in college. Formerly if you are involve in a sport, you must also apply those that you have learned inside and gain a sportsmanship; 
3.      We must all study hard for cash isn't earned easily. I commend my teachers for serving us sumptuous fun and enjoyment in this event for letting us be the person we owe to be. 
4. Save energy and stay happy; 
5.       Respect your colleagues as much as you want to be respected.

A little and quite exposure

           My friend asked me to take over in a segment regarding with the topic about Campus Beats, for the No Hold Barred that will be aired in TV Net Channel every second and fourth week of the month. Seems a little rewarding thing for me, in a way that not all people will experience such things, taking something new to your life can be said as a once a lifetime so grab if you know you’ll going to enjoy it.

          Sometimes it’s a little too awkward, why? ‘Cause every time I remember my failures when I was in my previous school I can help myself but to get traumatize, there’s an instance that I was covered with compassion of fear.

       Somehow I tried to hide it as I could, fighting it little by little might help me to improve more or maybe this will serve as my way to get even better. I was very nervous in our taping, the shots were taken at the cafeteria in DWCC, and not that bad I have taken the cuts for only three times. Hmmf it was really a hushed for one at a time a almost forgot my lines. Weew, I’m hoping for another fine report for the segment.

How can I move on?

       This is the hardest question that a person might answer yet in their life. As I was mentioning such statement, it is what seems to be owed by my classmate’s father catastrophe have come upon. At a very young age, father of Rowell Roy (my classmate supposed to be one of those who are good to me) died because of bangungot. Frankly speaking, I’m terribly bothered seeing that person around me was experiencing that, and was alluring himself into sadness (wherein I, couldn’t even really avoid it)

       The loss of a loved one is a devastating event for anyone but when the loss is unexpected the pain is beyond words. I know this, and I think everyone of us knows this, for anyone have experience loosing someone they loved, grandparents, parents, a brother and a sister, no one knows how much hurt it is losing them, until the only word that comes through your mind is the word pain

     But losing them doesn’t mean that everything else was appalling, and you don’t have to stay too long for that mourning, as I was finding some reasons to prove this, I have seen a verse which regards that situates this, and I wanted to share this for some important outlook it tells:

            As what the verse have said:

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going." John 14:1 – 4”

          At this point I can only write on the surface and without detail but I want to share some Bible verses that have been and continue to be an encouragement for me in hopes that some other grieving person who have lost their love ones may be looking for the same comfort and assurance that I searched for in the day after remembering the lost of that one they love.

Snapshots in Christian Fellowship :)

before we arrive at Pambisan

waiting for the boat....the location is in the opposite island

here we go again, taking our cuties snaps

just having the wakky picz..whaevahhh :) 

Now I'm Done

After a long day yesterday, I feel like I was tired but still I have to finish all my house chores to be done. 

As I woke up I quickly clean the house, swept the floor and wash the dishes. It’s almost 9 in the morning and I am not still eating my breakfast. I wanted to finish first my basic chores. Then to fully organize my time, I prepared the clothes to be washing, then put it in the washing machine, as I was waiting for the timer, that was the time that I have taken my glass of coffee and pandesal. It is a daily routine in me whenever I have no school. I used to have my coffee before 10 in the morning. Afterwards, I will just wait for the buzzer, and then I’ll continue washing my clothes. It is weekly clothing, with the bed sheet and pillows cloth. It’s a kind of tiring actually. I finished at two in the afternoon. I never wasted my time, so I continue ironing my uniform, as well as my brother’s uniform and my parent’s clothes. Wooow my hand feels numb, but before I sit down, I get first my cloth I have just this morning to be folded. Then I laid on our long chair, I get sleep for an hour. When I wake up, I prepare the food, then again wash the dishes. And after finishing all the works until the dinner… I wrote my notes for ITSOCUL, I finished my writing at two in the morning and I was very tired as my hands were telling me to take a rest.

Christian Fellowship -with God?... Fun...fun...Fun!

with St. Anthony ICBF members
Pambisan, Baco, Or. Mindoro

I woke up and was prepared for my class for this day, and was not expecting that a great whole day would happen to me…. Welcome Lord, for this day we’ve met again.

I’m not the religious type of person, yet I get melt whenever such moments come in into my life. This is not the first where I have joined fellowship, I was having the same activity when I was just 17 to 18, but due to some consequences my sigh blew me, until I find the hobby as a writer in gazette and an officer in ROTC when I was still in divine, though I was attending a mass, I wasn’t able to attend it regularly. I thought I’ll never do the same way again, but then I find my new classmates here in SAC and being one of the new members of this fellowship was so amazing.

After having a stressful day for school, you could easily relax yourself by listening and knowing the word of God. I am not that so good, but I do understand the peace it brings in me. This is my third session, and we are having our fellowship gathering at the Pambisan Baco. I’ve met some of the Pastors there, there are lots of activities made, and those who came to talks came from Singapore. We were divided into two groups; those who were assigned to our group are Sister Onah, with her husband brother Lim, and an Indian Pastor name Pastor Prasadh together with a Filipino Pastor, Brother Gener.

That day was full of surprise. We are with the other students from different school. Just before we came to the resort, we were drove in a motor boat. It was not my first to ride on it, but the adventure and unwind joy brought by this split second of the day was remarkable!

Layas-bahay

Sa loob ng dalawampu’t isang taon, isa sa pinakaseryosong karanasan na di ko malilimutan ay noong naglayas ako ng bahay.

December 2005, Fourth year high school, 16 year old pa lamang ako, inaamin ko naging makitid ang isip ko sa maraming bagay. Hindi ko maintindihan kung saan nagsimula lahat ng dahilan para umabot ako sa ganun, pero sa naaalala ko nasa stage pa lang ako ng “ denial and acceptance “. Nag’’iisa akong babae sa magkakapatid…bunso… naging bunso noong di pa pinapanganak si totoy (sya na ang bunso namin ngayun). Twelve years ang pagitan naming dalawa. Nasanay ako na buo ang atensyon na binibigay sa’kin ng parents ko, lalo na ang tatay ko. Daddy’s girl siguro ang tawag dun, pero ayoko naman isipin na ganun talaga ako. Well? Nasa denial ako dahil sinasabi ng isip ko na iba pa rin ang bunso sa nag’’iisang babae…acceptance naman dahil dapat kong tanggapin na malaki na ako at napakababaw lang na dahilan yun.

Nasundan pa yun noong malimutan nila ang birthday ko, December 3, the same year kung kelan yun nangyari. Excited akong gumising noong umaga kasi nga “it’s my day”, pero natapos ang buong araw na di nila ako nabati, di ko alam kung sinadya ba o dala ng pagka’’busy nila…ang ulam pa namin sa hapunan ay bagoong at isda. Hindi naman sa nag’’iinarte ako sa ulam, aminin man na’’ten o hindi naghahanap din tayo ng something na masarap sa birthday di ba?. Naging ok pa ako pagkatapos ng araw na iyon. Pero… after a week, medyo na’’late ako ng uwi galing sa school inabot ako ng sermon ng tatay ko. Na’’sermonan ako hindi dahil sa curfew hour, rather dahil ng bunso namin. May inuutos sa akin noon si tatay, para yun kay totoy,kasi may gusto sya pero tinatamad naman sya na kunin yun, siguro wala pang 5 minutes bago nya yun nasabi…agad nang napagalitan ako. Mali ako kung sa hindi kaagad pag’response, kaya lang nagpapalit pa lang ako ng damit noon, tapos parang over naman na pagalitan ako ng sobra to the point na maghagis sya ng unan sa’’kin.( hagis na di naman pinatamaan, parang wala lang talaga yung bato). Since hindi naman ako sanay na ganun ang treatment, si tatay pa ang gumawa, sobrang nagtampo ako noon. Wala akong makausap at mapaglabasan ng hinanakit. Iba kasi ang sermon ng nanay kumpara sa tatay di ba?

Kahit kasama ko pa sa bahay ang kuya ko (pangalawa), hindi ko nagawang mag’’share sa kanya, mas malapit ako sa panaganay kong kapatid.

Sa parehong araw kung kailan ako napagalitan ng tatay ko, biglang pumasok sa isip ko na mag’impake, napatingin ako noon sa cabinet ko. Ilang oras pa ini’impake ko lahat ng damit ko. Bukod ang bag para sa damit, shorts, garments, pants, mga sapatos at kahit uniform ko isinama ko na sa bagahe. May kaunting pride ako noon, naisip ko kasi ang mga napapanood ko sa tv na mga naglalayas, bumabalik talaga sila. Kaya ako… nag’desisyon ako na ito ang pinili ko kaya dapat panindigan ko kahit mali ang pamamaraan ko. Gumawa muna ako ng plano kung paano makakaalis ng bahay at kung saan ako makuha ng pera para makapag’’byahe ako sa malayo… (nagamit kong pera ay ang ipon namin ng kuya ko 1k yun), nang magawa ko yun nilakasan ko ang loob ko. Mas pinili kong iwan ang cellphone ko sa bahay, pero dala ko ang simcard. Mag’’isa akong naglakad sa daan kalagitnaan noon ng gabi, ang huling tingin ko sa orasan ng umalis ako ng bahay ay alas dose. Blangko ang isip ko noon, di ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Pero isa sa mga plano ko ay ang hindi pag’’stay sa Mindoro. Para ano pa ang paglayas kung sa malapit di ba? Higit limang kilometro na ‘’ata ang nalakad ko. Bawat madaanan ko at may nagkikita sa akin na tao tinanong nila kung saan ako pupunta. Siguro nagtataka sila sa dami ng dala kong bag, iba pa sa likod sa magkabilang braso at bitbit sa kamay. May napadaan na tricycle, sinubukan ko magtago kasi parang tricycle yun ng tatay ko, pero iba pala, ipinagpatuloy ko ulit. Ilang oras pa may tumigil na tricycle sabi nya bakit mag’’isa ako, wala akong naisagot tapos sabay sinundan nya ng salita kung mapunta ba daw ako ng pier. Napa’’oo na lang ako, sinagot ko sya na wala akong masakyan kaya naglakad’lakad na muna ako. Di ako mapaghinala sa tao ng mga oras na yun, kaya nakisakay na ako. Tapos nagka’’kwentuhan kami habang nasa daan. Hindi ko sinabi ng totoong pangalan ko, pero nasabi ko sa kanya ang tungkol sa paglalayas ko. Naawa sya sa akin, sabi nya pupunta sya ng pulis para mag’report… ang sabi ko naman tsaka na lang nya yun gawin pag nakakaalis na ako. Sinunod naman nya yun, at nang nasa pier na hindi na nya ako pinagbayad. Binigyan pa nya ako ng 50 para daw sa pagkain. Kinuha na din nya cellphone number ko para maitext nya ako kung ano na ba ang nangyare sa’kin. Kaya lang wala naman akong cellphone. Nagpasalamat ako sa ginawa nya, kahit paano may mababait na tao pa rin talaga sa mundo.

Nang nasa barko na ako. May pasahero din ako na nakausap. Gusto nya akong isama sa Iloilo. Babae iyon nalaman nya nangyari sa akin at gusto nya akong ampunin. Dahil sa ayoko, tumanggi ako. Wala na talaga ako maisip na puntahan pa, pero di dapat ako basta madala sa mga ganoon. Nang nasa kalagitnaan kami ng byahe may dumais na lalaki sa’kin, napansin nya daw kasi ang gamit na dala ko, at sa edad ko ng mga panahon na yun imposible naman ‘atah na payagan ako ng magulang ko na mag’byahe sa dis’oras ng gabi. At tulad ng nauna kong mga nakilala nalaman nya din ang totoo, inalok nya akong mag’noodles…nagugutom ako ng time na yun kaya hindi na ako nakatanngi. Habang nagku’kwentuhan kami, nalaman ko na sya pala ang kapitan ng barko. Sa dinami’dami ng makakausap ko, talagang sya pa ang nakilala ko. Nang makadaong na kami, sinabihan nya ako na mag’ingat. Tumambay muna ako sa pier ng Batangas, di ko kasi alam kung saan ako pupunta. Nang makalingat ako, nakasabay ko pala sa byahe ang taga’sa amin. Napansin nya ako, kaya nagtago ako at tumakas, basta na lang ako sumakay ng jeep, sakto naman na papunta ito ng bayan. Nag’desisyon ako na pumuntang Bicol. Sabi nga nila, ang pinaka’safe na puntahan ay kapamilya mo din. Nagdalawang isip pa ako noon na pumunta ng Maynila, kaya lang alam ko naman na di ko pa kayang mamuhay mag’isa sa ganun kalaking lugar. Sobrang bata pa ako noon at baka mapahamak lang ako. Gusto ko rin magpatuloy ng pag’aaral, sigurado naman ako na pag’’aaralin ako ng tiya ko (kapatid sya ng nanay ko)

Sakay ako ng bus diretsong Bicol. Medyo maliwanag na din noon. Iniisip ko na, di na ako pwedeng bumalik pa. Maraming tanong sa isip ko. Tulad ng : alam na kaya nila na umalis ako ng bahay? Ano kaya iisipin ng family na pupuntahan ko ngayun? Masama kaya ang iisipin ng mga tao sa parents ko dahil sa paglayas ko? At ang huling tanong sa isip ko. May kahihinatnan ba ang paglalayas ko?

Sobrang blangko ang isip ko noon. Hindi ko nga napansin na kinakausap na pala ako ng katabi ko. Siguro medyo magkalapit lang kami ng edad. Byaheng Camarines Norte sya, ako naman byaheng Camarines Sur. Isa pang gumugulo sa isip ko ay kung saan ako mababa. Elementary pa lang ako nang huli kami pumunta sa Bicol at baka maligaw ako. Inisip ko na lang ang lahat ng lugar na nadaanan namin noong huling punta na’min.

Sa awa ng diyos nakarating ako ng safe. Maraming nagulat sa pagdating ko. Nagpunta dun ang lolo ko. Lahat ng tito ko. Andun din ang paborito kong tito na sobrang naghinanakit sa ginawa ko, di daw yun maganda. Naiyak lang ako sa harapan nila. Nalaman lang nina nanay at tatay na nasa Bicol na ako noong tinawagan sila ng mga pinsan ko.

Lahat sila napatahimik. Sobrang nasaktan ko ang maga magulang ko, ga’’nun din ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Hindi ako makakain ng ayos sa bahay ng tita ko, kasi parang isang kaban ng bigas ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Kinausap nila akong lahat, kahit ang lolo ko natatawa sa ginawa ko. Naging tingin nila sa’kin ay spoiled kahit hindi naman talaga. Sabi ko na lang sa kanila na ayokong bumalik ng bahay. Kaya sa pangatlong araw ko doon, ay ini’’enroll agad nila ako at pinasukatan na ng uniform para daw hindi ako mahuli sa klase. Pero di ko alam na lagi pala magkausap sa telepono ang parents ako ang tita ko. Mabait ang tita ko, pero sinabi ng tatay ko na kung di ako ibabalik, magkakagulo daw.

Nang kausapin ako ng lolo at ng mga Tito’Tita…sabi ko ayaw kong bumalik ng bahay. Natatakot ako, dahil hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimula.Ilang araw pa tumawag na ang panganay kong kapatid, napasok pa sya noon ng kolehiyo sa Batangas, sabi nya sa’kin susunduin nya daw ako pag hindi ako umuwi.

Tahimik lang ako sa loob ng mga araw na nasa bahay ako ng pinsan ko. Nag’usap-usap sila na palihim, at para sa ikabubuti ng lahat, ang mas mabuting gawin ay umuwi ako ng bahay. Pero para pumayag akong umuwi, dapat kasama ko pa’Mindoro ang Tito at Tita ko (kapatid sila ng nanay ko). Kinausap muna ni lolo ang parents ko sa telepono, matapos nun lumuwas na kami pauwi.

Maraming mga matang nakatingin nang umuwi ako ng bahay, pumunta lahat ng pinsan ko at kung sino-sinong kaibigan. Abot ang tawag sa cellphone at bisita sa bahay. Di nila akalain na magagawa ko yun. Mabuti na lamang daw hindi ako napahamak. Naiyak ang parents ko, pero para hindi ko yun makita nagkulong muna ako ng kwarto, pumunta ang pinsan ko sa kwarto at tinanong lahat ng nangyari. Sabi nya sa akin wag ko daw yun uulitin, kung may problema man ako, matuto daw akong magsabi. Sa kanila na lang ako pumunta pag napapagalitan ako. Pinigil ko ang luha ko that time. Sobrang nanghihina ako sa pagod physically and emotionally.

Ito ang isa sa karanasan na di ko malilimutan. Maraming tao ang nadamay. Hindi pa nga yan kompleto, mahirap i’ collaborate lahat ng nangyari. Pero nang nasa bahay na ako, almost a month bago umuwi ang tito at tita ko sa Bicol, madalas silang magkakausap nina nanay at tatay. Mula noon, pag bagong gising sila sa umaga iche'check muna nila ang kwarto ko para malaman kung hindi ba ako umaalis Nakakatawa dahil hanggang ngayun ginagawa pa rin nila yun at pag napapagalitan ako medyo nag’ko’control na sila, parang reminders na lang ang nangayayari. Pero syempre yung respect ko sa kanila hindi nawawala.

Nahirapan ako ibalik ang bond na’men, pero maganda naman ang naging result. Nagkaron kami ng closeness. Totoo ang sayings na after ng hardships sa family nyo, chaka lamang nabubuo ang deep closeness dahil naa’appreciate nyo ang presence nyo sa isa’t-isa.

Salamat sa pagbasa.

I’m still saying my HELLO to JULY!!... 

Last day of the holiday from weekend and was covered the two days of weekdays. Yesterday I am thankful that we were able to go out, I was feeling okay, but now I have to spend the morning in the house and was doing my chores, I am not in my best to go out for now. I am here preparing our food, like binangi na isda, fried and the cheese stick for a reserve merienda (deep it the mayonnaise)

I love the bond I’ve done with my puppy, her name was JULY for she came into our family at the last day of July, and now she was a month old now; there’s lot of change that transpired her. “DALAGA NA DOGGY ko”, she have no breed, yet she’s kind of sweet and adorable.

Actually through teasing did b my cousins, they always ask me if I have prepared a food on my child, who’s the godparents, that she already have her tito’s, lolo and lola’s, everything was so funny as she came to knock my silence here in the house when I was alone.

At times that the house was quite and I was not busy on my things, I give my time to take her a bath, put a perfume and after a while I was seeing myself talking to a dog. She was not my first pet dog; I have my first favorite puppy when I was on my primary to high school level, due to overage she died. Her name was duday, because of too much love on her and I always cried when she passed away, I was called in my nick name as dudoy or duday, too weird to think that my nick name came from a dog. But the best part of that name was, duday is the dog who sees me when I’m still the girl who has mess on her face, who cries when I fall and got scratch on my skin, and whom I used to play with. After 7 years, I had my next puppy whom I can share through pursuing my studies till its final year and will see my success. That’s how a person must respect a thing with life, even if it is a person or an animal.

my little brother captured this picture of us

--the first  she came to our house--

simply inlove

The smile on my face doesn't mean my life is perfect, it's just the reflection of knowing that the person who matches this ring will find its way in a place where i was waitng and standing stiLL..... :)

THAT’S AWFUL!!!!!..... WRONG COLOR!

Right now I have not eaten my lunch yet. I am still thinking what I wanted to cook and eat. Last night I got the shrimp but I have this allergy eating those, our dinner was mixed by the TALABA and crab. I really love eating those but I’m still trying that by eating it again and again my allergy cures (opposite it is not...It’s very itchy in my lungs and my lips was very pinkish……ouch)

So for dinner I have, shrimp, talaba, crab, rice and an itchy pinky lips…it’s a quite yummy and irritated dinner.

Ahhh by the way, after the very rainy day yesterday and ended up the session with my classmates, I buy a string for my brother’s guitar, since I was stressed that day, I used to go to a parlor and have some self treatment in order for me to relax myself inside and out.

After spending three to four hours, here it is I was disappointed with the result, the hair color was a very big mistake….he he… oh my God, they pick up the wrong color, and I am not satisfied but there’s nothing I can do because the smash up was done… when I got home, my brother keeps in telling that why did I dried my hair by color white. I told him that, supposedly it should be a brown, my hairs natural color, I just wanted to make it more shiny and good…but since it was not a brown, and yet I don’t even know what was the color, it’s still follows my hairs color at least it shows different phases of color…what a tragedy..hehe… actually I have to wait for three to four months before I dyed it again, it may cause harm on my hair. One good thing that I only heard was, one of our neighbors was working in a resot before and seeing the phases of my hair, she appreciate it as good. She mentioned that it was a style of the KOREANA who were having their vacation there, and I do look likes them. The problem is, their style was different from us. What a horrible moment. But I can still carry it anyway. J

Loosing my self-control__and Emotionally exhausted

---This entry is different from those I have written the last time. I just want to thank IT four, and I reserve this day a day for them--- 

Due to lots of things that comes to my mind….I really forgot to check if I brought my journal, my things were aligned properly on my computer table, and without even knowing, my journal was under the photocopies of the rest notes in this subject of ITSOCUL, but I am still wishing that my teacher would read my last journal. It is not just the grade that I want, but because, it is just too fuse in me that someone’s reading the activity that I’ve done after a week. It’s nice to know that some people are still concern of how your mind speaks thru your journal. But then, though I have wrote some of my entries, she will not recognized my greetings, and in a nice but in a late way…I want to great her a happy birthday..Hehe…I’m sorry Mam (let me give my greetings, and see your smile in silence…) 

Actually I have lots to say about my entry for today, I did not even recognized that I am enjoying the fourth year company, the relationship that I have built along them, I was very grateful, because at this point my head was not in motion to do what it is that I really have to do, due to some personal matters that occurs within my relationship to my boyfriend. Yes, maybe it is ordinary to hear such issues when it comes to that matter, but being there, in that condition was really difficult. I don’t really know who it is that I wanted to talk to, would I cry? Or if I cry will it make any changes at all. Then again, I really tried to be at focus, but once in my life, what I am doing these last few days was very difficult for me to carry all of it…Since nobody knows what I am really going through. 

It’s nice to know, that the ICBF, that IT Four have introduced me gives me that very thing that there’s still a lot of things that can give a little sense, in spite of all that bothered in my mind. They may not recognized that I am carrying such emotional heartfelt that time, since what I am showing was a great smile on every activity that we were doing. This is a kind of campus ministry, and was starting to create inside the Anthony, I’m new in the club but I can feel their presence; The Lord that they have introduced in me. 

Each every doubts that I felt before, enlightens the second step that I am going to make. I was in a high spirits and I appreciate them more for showing me that. I just want to give them my gratified response. THANK YOU SO MUCH.